A Thinking Man

It�s now official. You don�t need the store cupboard anymore. You can have time off work to have sex. Well, at least you can if you live in Russia.

The governor of the central Russian province has urged couples to skip work on Wednesday to make love in order to boost Russia�s low birth-rate. The population is shrinking as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism, and suicide.

If the woman gives birth in exactly nine months time � on Russia�s national day, June 12 � she will qualify for a prize such as a fridge, a television set, a jeep, or even a new apartment. Prizes are also given to unmarried women who deliver on the right day, though the top prizes go to married couples.

This year a record 78 babies were born on June 12 at the main hospital in the regional capital of Ulyanovsk, beating the 2006 total of 26. The scheme seems to be working.

The scheme set me thinking. Why don�t more governments allow time off work to solve other national problems? Below are a few suggestions for any cabinet minister who may be looking for ways to boost his or her popularity and guarantee election next time round. Don�t hold back in letting me know your ideas.

1. Thin days. Time off work to diet and go to the gym. Would save millions off the health service budget. Prizes for those who kept weight off for a year.
2. Tax days. Time off work to fill your tax form in, with advice centres open all day. Likely to boost revenue. Prizes for those who found the most ingenious ways of declaring income.
3. Education days. Time off work to learn the skill or gain the knowledge that you really want to. Likely to improve productivity. Prizes for those who could remember what they had learned a year later.
4. Couple days. Time off work to interact with the person you linked up with 10 years ago but have hardly spoken to since (apart from to ask about having sex). Likely to improve household stability and reduce health problems. Prizes for those who were still speaking for more than 15 minutes a week a year later.
5. Teenage days. Time off work to interact with the person you produced 16 years ago but have hardly spoken to in the last three (apart from to say �No�). Likely to improve household stability and reduce both suicide and teenage crime. Prizes for those who were still speaking for more than 10 minutes a week a year later.
6. Cutlery days. Time off work and school when people could write lists of things that you could do with knives other than stab people. Would reduce family grief, as well as police and legal costs. Prizes for those who had the longest list of non-violent knife uses.
7. Liquid restriction days. Time off work when people could discover half-pint glasses and learn that you could survive socially if you were only allowed to drink three. Would reduce road deaths, and cut policing, legal, and health service costs. Prizes for those who were still only drinking one and a half pints on social occasions a year later.
8. Race days. Time off work to spend a day with a member from a different ethnic community to your own. Likely to reduce stress, police costs, and terrorism. Prizes for those who had maintained positive contact with a member from a different race for over a year.
9. Sexuality days. Time off work to spend a day with someone who has a different sexual orientation from your own. Likely to reduce stress, suicide, and police costs. Prizes for those who had maintained positive contact with this person for over a year.

Tags: AIDS, alcoholism, birth rate, Russia, sex, suicide, Ulyanovsk