God suddenly appeared.
There I was, minding my own business, when it happened. Out of the blue. No warning. Just came. God, or rather almightygod, appeared on my screen about three days ago. And she/he/it has appeared with great regularity ever since. Just popping up out of nowhere, reminding me of important things, and revealing the inner workings of the divine mind. I felt privileged to have been one of the chosen few - one of the elect. It has been such a joy to receive the messages.
Ok, it is slightly embarrassing as in order to explain I have to make a confession about how I am now spending some (not a lot, you understand) of my precious internet time these days. When not blogging (or doing ‘important research’ for my blog), and when not flickring (or commenting on the beautiful photographs that my Flickr contacts have produced), and when not Facebooking (or keeping up ‘valuable and meaningful contact’ with friends and family), I have started to tweet on Twitter. And it was on Twitter than almightygod suddenly appeared.
(When reading of my online activity, please don’t judge me or feel sorry for me. I work hard, sometimes mornings, afternoons, and evenings, and I like to play occasionally. The internet is my only major vice - at least, the only one I am prepared to admit to. I tend to avoid noxious substances and loose women and my vice doesn’t harm children or frighten the horses.)
For those of you who don’t yet know, Twitter is either yet another potentially dangerous complete waste of time, or an exciting new development that is pushing the boundaries of interpersonal expression and interaction. (I, of course, take the latter view. God-forbid that I should ever do anything time wasting!) Once signed up for a free account you post short tweets - expressions of your consciousness and activity at the time (think James Joyce and Ulysees without the slog). They go into a public twitter forum and may be read and then ignored (or just ignored). You may attract followers - people who are interested in reading your tweets - and you may elect to become followers of other tweeters. It is a bit like the ’status update’ feature on Facebook, only worse different, in the sense of the updates probably being more frequent, more random, and being more public.
So, there I was, minding my own business, contemplating my own consciousness, when I received a message telling me that almightygod was following me and inviting me to follow him. Imagine the joy I felt. And the messages soon started. After years of trying to hear from god, or telling myself that my inner imaginings were hearing, of listening to others who told me they had heard, and of trying to work out what the good book meant, I was suddenly getting direct messages from her/it/him, direct to my screen or my new handset.
Of course, there are always doubters, and a few people have questioned whether the messages are from the divine. But as almightygod tweeted:
Some people are having a hard time believing this is really me. Do they think I’m unable to use twitter, or do they expect me to be silent?
Indeed, almightygod seems to enjoy using Twitter. It seems to have made things easier for him/her/it:
Twitter has made prayer answering much more efficient. I used to have to rearrange events and send peaceful feelings. Now I just say it.
The program has enabled him/it/her to explain complex theological truth much more simplistically:
Sorry, Mary Kennedy of Indianapolis, I’m sending rain on the picnic you planned. That’s what you get for being an insufferable gossip.
A cancer patient just died. If her friends and family would have prayed just a little bit more I would have healed her. Live and learn!
And, of course, almightygod has been able to use Twitter to reinforce some of his/her/its more well-known (and lesser known) views:
Somewhere, two monogamous adult males are having consensual sex with each other. That makes me so angry!!!
It’s Sabbath. If you catch anyone traveling or carrying sticks, you know what to do. (Stone them to death).
Here’s a little tip. If unruly townspeople want to rape your guests, offer them your virgin daughters instead. http://tinyurl.com/lotisright
The things that I have enjoyed most about receiving the messages from almightygod are the insights I have received into the divine mind. I didn’t realize how hard things can be for him/her/it, or how boring and lonely she/he/it gets, or how much Sunday is appreciated.
It’s been fun hearing the praise music from Earth. On the agenda tonight here in Heaven: more praise music. I never get tired of the stuff.
It’s Sunday, my favorite day. I get to listen to church music all day. It’s all about me, me, me!
I miss my wife, Asherah. Ever since my followers got all monotheistic on me, she hasn’t come around. It gets lonely up here.
You’d think that infinite power and knowledge would keep one entertained. But I also have infinite time to kill, so I do get bored.
I’m trying to make a tough putt and someone interrupts me with a prayer for the soul of a soap opera character. Come on, people!
Someone just prayed and asked if they should send money to Pat Robertson. What should I tell them?
And of course, some of the tweets go straight to the heart and bring a tear to the eye:
Sending a warm fuzzy feeling to someone to confirm their faith . . . now.
For me, it has been great to be in touch with almightygod again. I am looking forward to continuing to receive its/her/his messages. I am genuinely touched by the divine appearance. Why was encountering the divine never this simple or fun in the past? Thank god for technology!
(Source: almightygod on Twitter)
Ha, ha…. this almightgod is more “down to earth” and honest than the one I used to worship. At least his one knows he’s being self-centered.
For me this is certainly one very clever, witty, and humerous blog. On the other side, it represents for me a great sadness, tragedy and pain to me that your faith and former life of over thirty years has come down to this; where mocking something that was central to your life and what you stood for, you now view as entertainment.
I am very sorry about that, how ever fragile my own belief system has become.
This is my authentic and true response to your words.
onethoughtfulwoman
Thanks for your comment, but look at it like this. Suppose you were part of a group that provided meaning in your life, that cost you financially and in time, and put in place all kinds of rules and regulations about what you could and couldn’t do - what you could buy in a supermarket, how you did your washing, what programs you used on the internet for example. Suppose you willingly submitted to these rules and this expenditure for a long-time, restricting your life in this way, and then, over time, you came to see that the way you had been living your life was wrong as there was no basis for what you had been doing.
Wouldn’t you:
a) Feel slightly angry about that - about all the time and effort and money that had been to no avail?
b) If you saw people and materials from that former group of yours appearing so confident, want to challenge that confidence a little. (As satire is one of the oldest forms of questioning something in a way that appeals to a large audience, I don’t apologise for satirizing my former faith, especially if it is effective in making a few people sit up and think differently.)
If you were to abandon the religion of the hypothetical restrictions described above, I for one, would be very happy for you - pleased for the solid freedom that you had found. I feel sad that you cannot feel pleased that I have been let out of a self-imposed, but baseless prison. I have no regrets about that, and will continue to tell anyone who will listen.
Yes, I can see what you are saying and thank you for your honest reply which I respect.
I just wonder though, if you want some of those former people that you still know and who still have a faith, to question their beliefs, is this the best way of making them think differently?
I can see many would just dig into their trenches, see this as the ultimate work of the “dark side” and continue to defend their position. And frantically put your on their prayer list.
You are more of a witness to me as an Athesit when you present solid arguments, based on evidence, rather than using satire to defend your position. This I feel weakens your credibility.
Interestingly After all, almightygod hasn’t done what I knew he woud not do. No Atheist I know, and have read to date, has used satire to trash the name of Jesus. It seems like that is one bridge too far. Please I am not suggesting you be the first. Just an observation and a thought.
Due to the intense feelings I have and feel about this whole almightygod thing, I come to the conclusion for myself that perhaps I am not such an agnostic as I thought. My passion for this debate has roused within me that I must have a stronger feeling of belief than I realised.
Tonight, I am going to see the programme about the vicar trying to convert people to Christainity to see if it holds any credibility and tomorrow listen to the other side, as Dawkins discusses Darwin.
Let the debate continue!
[...] reading a blog about the recent appearance of God, via Twitter. I would like to introduce you to A Thinking Man and a post about our new social [...]
Funny stuff. Thanks. It reminded me of Bruce Almighty, which I think is pretty cute movie.
If anyone every mocked or satirized me, I would be very offended. Deities have feelings, too, you know. Just because I can create the universe, read everyone’s mind simultaneously and I’m morally perfect doesn’t mean that I don’t have self-image issues. And sometimes my insecurity turns into a murderous rage. You’ve been warned.
almightygod suddenly appeared and left a comment on my blog - cool!
AThinkingMan - if you have a few more encounters with the almighty, I may have to promote you to hero status.
the chaplain I feel so unworthy!
Hi James, me again !
Of course you post is witty, and clever, and of course all those regulations that religion imposes in the name of God, are really about social controle ! And yes I admire you for rejcting that social controle !
For me though, I do not want to through out the baby with the bathwater.
Could it be that the world, and reality is far more of a mystory then our own limited perceptions of it ? Could it be that in a beautifal sunset, the sense of a presence when we can not see anybody there, a sense of being held in the midst of the pain and suffering, could it be that these are all pointers so something else, something beyond ?
Again drawing on personal experience, I recall how I did the talk at my mothers funeral, and sensed her presence there as the words flowed. An athiest friend sugusted that this ‘presence’ was just my thnking about her, and memories. Of course he could be right. But that was not my ‘bodily felt sense’ of the situation. We had differnet explanations or ways of interpreting, and neither of us could prove the other wrong ! And we could not prove that we wee right.
So I live with a sense of uncertainty, and hope that Love does not end in nothing. this seems very little to do with social controle and religion !
But that is my sense of it at the moment !
JohnT