There was a pile of dog poo on the pavement.
As they walked to work, four men trod in it and messed up their shoes.
The first man felt very sad. He looked at the mess and smelled the smell and said to himself: “You know, this just about sums me up. This always happens to me. It’s the kind of guy I am. I can’t even walk down a street without messing things up. The day has started badly and it’s going to get worse from here-on-in.” This man never got to work. He went home and got into bed and stayed there feeling more depressed as the day went on.
The second man saw the mess and smelled the smell and started to panic. He said to himself: “OHHHHhhhh dear! What should I do now? I mean, there are so many things I could do, but I want to do the right thing. I don’t want to get it wrong in case people think badly of me. I must get it right at all costs. If I clean my shoes there will be nowhere to put the mess and if I leave it someone might see me and …. on the other hand I could …. but then …. and what if ….” This man never got to work. He stayed there feeling more and more paralysed in panic as the day went on.
The third man saw the mess and smelled the smell and started to get angry. Within minutes that anger had almost become a rage. He felt himself getting hotter. He started to stomp around. He was saying to himself: “What careless son of a bitch did this? This is the most awful thing, ever. Nobody should be so careless! They shouldn’t be let out of the house in the mornings! I bet they let their dog do this here just to get me and ruin my day! Let me just get my hands on them!” This man got to work, but he never achieved much. He was too angry and distracted for most of the day. As he contributed to his ulcer and heart-disease he planned tortuous revenge on all dog-owners.
The fourth man (a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) was annoyed at first, and then started to smile. He looked at the mess and smelled the smell and said to himself: “Isn’t it great that I remembered to put my shoes on this morning!” And with that, he wiped his shoes on the grass, and went to work.
What you think influences how you feel and what you do.
“What you think influences how you feel and what you do.”
That is so true ……….
Interesting that it was men who stepped in it. I expect there was some smartarse woman standing across the road watching them all trudge through and smiling to herself about how men never anticipate problems and take action to avoid them.
Mind you, I’d probably leap athletically over the dog poo, land awkwardly and twist my ankle.
But silliness aside, it is very true. And I see that every day in the way my children handle situations - one sees every problem as an exciting challenge, the other throws up his hands in horror and starts bleating about how everything is too difficult and the third one blames everyone in the world for the problem and moans about it for the next 10 weeks. They are all better than they were - ie their responses are slightly more moderate these days - but I’m not sure you can always change the way you think about things. Or perhaps you can?
They are pretty good about not walking in dog poo tho cos I always make them scrub their shoes themselves if they do!
Reluctant Blogger
It is true that our default position - the tapes that we automatically play in our heads - can be very strong. After all, they may be part of our character and we have certainly spent a lifetime rehearsing them so that in a sense, however dysfunctional they are, we feel ‘comfortable’ with them. However, I also know that changing them is possible - though not easy. We need to become conscious of the automatic tapes we are playing (that are untrue and unhelpful), create new tapes to play (that are true and helpful), consciously (and awkwardly and with difficulty) practise changing the tapes, and reinforce that learning in a variety of ways. You can’t expect to learn to play the piano after one lesson, but with practice you can start to make a different music.
Yes, we take ourselves to every situation. It’s about making lemonade with the lemons, I suppose.
I wonder what I would do. I would immediately put myself in problem-solving gear, I guess. My challenge would be, how can I wipe the shit off as self-respectfully as possible, in the shortest possible time, and still make it to work on time?
At work, I would tell everybody what happened and would mentally congratulate myself all day for handling the situation optimally.
My co-workers would then speak behind my back, saying how much they dislike me for boasting about my triumphs.
That’s what shit says about my personality.
Lorena
My co-workers would then speak behind my back, saying how much they dislike me for boasting about my triumphs.
Aha … so not only are you a tennis fan, but you’re also a mind-reader as well and can see through walls and behind closed doors!
Is that a cheap shot or an expensive shot? I know people think that way because some of them have told me–The awful ones I met in writing school.
It wasn’t meant to be either. It was an attempted humorous (
) observation based on the facts available to me at the time. Thank you for the further information. I am sorry if I have caused offence.
Just seen the post.
Well, as you probably would guess, dog poo doesn’t bother me too much. I have a dog so I have stepped in shovels fulls of shit and being in the health care service, I deal with many kinds of shit on a regular basis, including real shit.( I am trying to be humerous with this as well).
Now for the serious answer, if I did trod in poo, bearing in mind, my aversion to the smell which is real, I would do as the therapist would do, wipe it on the grass and carry on. I would probably curse myself for not seeing it but no big deal.
However, there is a little part of me that would be man number 2. I can see that in myself. Always the slight worrier, the panic and wanting to do the right thing. That is what I am currently working on at the moment, this feeling. It is not overwhelming but there is a subtle hint of it there. It is liberating when you can say:
” I don’t care what people think- to an extent.” As long as I don’t hurt others doing so along the way.
onethoughtfulwoman
Thanks for your comments. There seems to be an inherent contradiction between wanting to say “I don’t care what others think ..” while at the same time saying “As long as I don’t hurt others.” It feels like part of you is seeing yourself as being responsible for what others feel. That is an incredible burden to carry. I think you are responsible for what you feel and others are responsible for what they feel. As long as you see yourself responsible for how others react you will never be free from a huge burden.