A Thinking Man

There are two types of managers that I hate: those that bully, and those that bend.  I have worked for both in equal numbers during the course of my career - two bullies, and two bendies (as well as the occasional ‘good guy’), and I have to say, I actually prefer the bullies to the bendies.

Of course, both generate unnecessary stress.  The bullies often leave you feeling without a voice.  You feel that you cannot make a legitimate point if it goes against some whim or policy that the bully will defend in a nasty way.  Long-term you feel there is little point in trying to make an honest contribution and you end up spending most of your energy not feeling that you can help move an organization forward.  If you want to keep your job (or have to because of circumstances) you spend a lot of time unproductively trying to work out what is the right thing to say, or trying keep your mouth shut, or trying to make sure that your back is covered.

Ultimately bullies generate a climate of fear.  You watch what happens to those who refuse to toe the party line in the interests of integrity or greater sanity.  You see the attempts at public humiliation at meetings.  You watch the contrived appraisals where good colleagues mysteriously are told that they have not met their targets.  You become aware of the budget cuts for that particular person, the move to a smaller office, the stopping of invites to important meetings, the refusal of requests for equipment or training, and you watch the career suddenly freeze or go into nose dive.

The stress generated by such fear is huge.  You may, of course, have to add to that the stress generated by commands from bullies to do things which are dangerous or illegal.  From my own experience, and from my work now as a psychotherapist working with several clients suffering stress at work, I could give many examples where people have been told to do actions which were illegal, or immoral, or dangerous, or all three.  And even those who comply with the bullies are never free from fear or stress either.  They are aware that they are walking on a tightrope.  Bullies are unpredictable.  They might change direction on a whim and the tightrope walkers are aware that a chasm awaits even them.

I actually find bendies worse, and in the long-term, more depressing to work for than bullies.  The initial stress in working for them may be less obvious, but I find that the subtle stress involved steadily builds over time and becomes intolerable.  Bendies are often nice people.  They are liked because they are agreeable.  That is the problem - they are too agreeable.  They have to agree with everybody.  There is no resistance.  They bend with the flow.  And when flows go in opposite directions, that is no problem initially - they just bend with both flows.

Eventually, of course, problems start to emerge: “But she told me X.” “Well, she told me Y.” And the chaos and uncertainty begins.  Money is wasted because reprimanding someone or stopping something might offend.  I’ve actually known five separate people turn up to do a job because a manager told all five people individually that they could do it because he didn’t want to offend one of them by denying them the work.

Initially some energy is spent in trying to help the bendy straighten up.  Important meetings are held. Memos are written.  Presentations are made.  The case is solid and must surely impress.  And of course, the bendy is impressed. The fatal words are spoken: “Yes, that’s what we’ll do.”  A few of the inexperienced and naive go away glad.  At last there is certainty and direction.  The bendy really did mean it this time.  But it never happens.

After the initial attempts to straighten the bendy fail, apathy sets in.  The bendy has cried wolf so often that all words that pour nicely and enthusiastically from the bendy’s mouth are disbelieved and regarded with contempt. The cynicism hardened.  There is no point in planning how to move the organization forward.  Nothing will happen.  There is some pleasure to be had watching the bendy tie himself or herself in knots as the contradictions cause chaos, but the frustration and lack of progress goes deep and rots the soul.

I have noticed two particular strategies that bendies use in a futile attempt to ward off the chaos that they know they are causing.  The first is the delay.  When they don’t want to do it but cannot say “No” they say “Yes” but add, “but let’s wait a bit, let’s wait until next year, let’s wait and see, let’s wait until X becomes Y, let’s wait ….”  A few of the naive keep hope alive and feel they have a positive decision, whereas the experienced and disillusioned old hands (and the bendy) know that it will never happen.

The second strategy is diversion (and in this respect bendies are like bullies).  Whenever blame comes near because of the ensuing chaos caused by trying to please everyone, the bendy will strangely become rock hard and deflect attention elsewhere.  Someone else is always to blame - and of course, this causes further frustration and stress because of the injustice.  It also adds to the sense of uncertainty.  There is no security in knowing that the bendy is acting fairly or justly or that he or she will fight your corner for you.  The blame for the chaos may be dumped at your door at any moment when you least suspect it.  Of course, you would never know this immediately because the bendy would never tell you directly, but behind closed doors, others would be told that you were responsible for what happened.  One bendy I worked for was known as the ‘teflon-coated oil-slick’ for obvious reasons.

Managers should enable their staff to do their jobs well, and both bullies and bendies discourage this from happening.  Bullies believe that they must achieve results at all costs (and must protect themselves at all costs). Bendies believe that they must not offend at all costs (and must protect themselves at all costs).  My experience of good managers is that they want to achieve and want to get on with people but do not have to do so at all costs.  They are also vulnerable enough to accept responsibility for problems and failure if necessary.

What have your experiences of being managed been?

Tags: appraisal, bendies, bendy, blame, bullies, bullying, chaos, fear, humiliation, indecision, ipadio, management, managers, phlog, stress